I am doing that I have to admit. As much as I hate feeling bad, the further I go, the more I am valuing my bad feelings. I don’t want to have them still, mind you, but as they surface in me, my repressed ones, and I can express them and uncover the truth they want me to see, I am grateful for them. But I do wonder Jesus, will I ever feel completely good about my shit life, and will I ever be fully happy that God put me in it, kept me in it, and left it up to me to get myself out of it.
I can’t answer that for you James, all I can say is... you’ll have to wait and see. You can work out the theory for yourself, that yes, you will one day when you’ve healed yourself of all your negative state, value it all, and even to the extent of being very happy that God gave you the opportunity of beginning life in evilness. But that day will be yours to keep dear to your own heart and I don’t want to take any of its specialness away from you.